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Team MD'S #1 CONTEST COVERAGE

"That's ridiculous!"- Craig Titus on the validity of the rumor about him porking movie star Keanu Reeves.

An inside look at the sport's most controversial athlete in history, from the famous bitches he's porked, to kicking King Kamali's ass, to being in prison.  

It's all here!

My dick is trapped inside an elephant snout, I thought to myself. Wait, I'm getting ahead of the story. The other day, I decided to shave my huge melon with these industrial grade clippers I stole from my aunt's house. My head is so fucking big that when you add a thick coif of Asian 'fro to it, I look like an obese reject from a ‘70s-era porno. So I was shaving naked, right, and glanced down at my huge gut. Then, down to my package. I noticed how my gut's skin has lost its elasticity, and the fat just rolls off my waist like a potato sack. I'm Jabba the fuckin' Hut, for crying out loud. This wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. I've stared at my breadbasket many a time while hitting most musculars, naked, in front of my bedroom mirror.  

I opted to boldly go where no fat ass has gone before and lift the apron of fat that's hiding my package and take a hard, stone-cold look at the size of my dick! I'm so fat, I literally cannot see my dick, much less my feet or anything else below that area. My belly is like a cliff or something.
As I lifted my enormous gut, the fat around my torso began to mold, twist and contort like a massive-ass ball of silly putty. It was gross, but I was determined to do it so I could check out the goods- and shave all the growth down there to see it all! Truth be told, I cannot remember the last time I actually saw my unit, and thought shaving it would be more hygienic, anyway.

Straining extremely hard with all my might, I began to break out into a sweat as I held up my mammoth gut- akin to an EMT lifting the near half-ton Jaws of Life with his own two arms. I stabled myself, arms tensed, breathing under control. It was show time- now or never- coz I couldn't hold up that fat much longer!

Then I looked. Suffice to say my fat was the proverbial covert operation on my package, thanks to the clandestine gut fat hiding my unit fat. Basically, my package went under a Shock and Awe of its own and left me blindsided! This may gross you the fuck out, but I'm gonna say it anyway. You know that area right above your hose where the hair grows? Well, it turns out I put on probably 30 disturbing pounds of fat right in that region! My dick was literally surrounded and engulfed by a thick slab of fat. It looked like it was trapped inside the snout of an elephant! Add that to the fat cloud of doom, also known as my gut, which hid the whole thing! Ronnie Coleman may have muscle on muscle, but shit, I have fat on fat!  
Is there a lesson in this? Yes, at least in my weirded-out mind. You see, it took years of complacency to even find out what was going on down south of my fat ass. Eventually, I lifted my layer of fat, shaved it down to the skin, and saw it for what it was- a truly pathetic sight- and I feel fucking awful. I'm barely even a man. Size-wise, I'm hung the same as I was in junior high, and lets not forget the disturbing sandbags of fat that now occupy what was once known as "the jewels!" I am built like a manatee.

Nonetheless, I discovered what lay beneath. It bothers the shit out of me, and I intend to get in shape to make the most of what I have. Yeah, it's still very, very little to work with, but at least my privates won't look mutant once I'm in shape.  

The parallels between Craig Titus and this discovery (and my longing for a fatless unit) are almost cosmic in nature. You just may find that beneath various layers of obscurity lies a determined force of a man who has fought to survive on his own terms. Despite what many say about Titus, the dude has balls. I, on the other hand, do not, but nevermind that. What's important is blue-chip IFBB pro Craig Titus just left Weider only days ago! Not only do we have the awesome athlete (who by the way, in my fat opinion, has a serious macho complex and tries to talk like Rambo) signed to an exclusive contract, this is the first interview ever published since his departure from Darth Weider! As always, we're giving it to you raw and uncensored, right in yo' grill!

MACHO JUMPS SHIP
TS: Well, if this ain't one strange-ass situation, I dunno what 'tis! Technically, I'm not supposed to be talking to you as last time I checked, you were under the proverbial fuckin' chokehold of Weider's contract. Two words on that ass: Wassup?
CT: When I came back to the sport in 2000, Joe Weider's company gave me the opportunity to get my career back. For that, I am forever grateful. It was a good ride and I enjoyed myself, but basically at this point in my career, I'm not being used enough. The promotion and marketing of me, my name, and my image is being too restricted with just two magazines. Since I and everybody else knows I'm not going to be Mr. Olympia, I have to be Mr. Magazine. I've gotta be in as many  magazines as many times as possible throughout the year, so I can keep my fan base big. Without the fans, you're nothing but another bodybuilder.
 
One thing I've been good at is marketing and promoting myself over the years. Prior to signing with Weider, I had 92 magazine covers, national and international. After I signed with Weider, I only had one cover in two and a half years! That's not acceptable. To have one training spread every six months, which is about my average, is also unacceptable. I know I'm not Mr. Olympia, but my fan base is extremely large and I want to stay in the magazines for the fans, so I keep my popularity. In turn, that keeps my money coming in. If I had stayed with Weider and kept getting little exposure, I'd be just another bodybuilder with no fan base, no money, no demand, and I would have been hurt financially once my relationship was over with them. So, I felt at this point the best thing would be to cut my ties with Weider, still do work for the Weider magazines, and open up doors for more opportunities to market myself.

MACHO BEATING KING KAMALI'S ASS!
TS: You're a smart motherfucker. Switching gears on that ass, there's mad smack talking going on online between you and your arch nemesis, King Kamali. I like Kamali, but seeing that my opinion means shznit, tell us yours after being at war with him for so damn long. Keep it real: Is this war between you two bitches real?
CT: King Kamali is the most arrogant, pompous, ridiculous, uneducated, illiterate, ignorant person I've ever met in my entire life! I've never seen somebody publicly humiliate himself, show that he is nothing but a fool, and then go back and try to correct his mistakes in the magazines and the Internet so many times. Kamali and me- that's not fake. I truly cannot stand this individual. The only thing that kept me from beating his ass all these years was our Weider contracts. I've been asked by a few powers that be not to take physical action against him. Look, I know as well as anyone that to smack someone in the mouth and have a physical altercation can be portrayed as adolescent or childish. But I don't know many men- if they are men- who would put up with things he says without smacking his mouth! I'm done with him. I have no more patience with him. He's gonna have to feel my wrath one of these days.

TS: Damn, that's a bold-ass statement! First, do you really think you can kick Kamali's ass? And second, Kamali claims you're just riding his coattails for pub.  'Sup?
CT: [Laughs] First, the biggest reason I haven't smacked him already is because it would be like smacking my little sister. I mean, he's a punk. He's just a coward. He says these things online and in the magazines, but when you see him in person, he looks the other way and walks away. That's just what he does. And secondly, me riding his coattails? When I turned pro in ‘96, the kid was still in diapers! I think he's been on three covers. I've had over 90. If anybody's riding anybody's coattails to fame, he's been doing it since the day he got into the sport. He's been riding mine! I don't need his name to get more fame in the industry. I've done a good job myself. The only reason he got callouts and did as well as he did when he first started was because he got some attention. Once his flame burned out, now he hardly gets called out because his body's not taking him anywhere anymore. It was his mouth, not his body. The only person riding coattails is King Kamali riding my coattails.

TS: If I ponder upon that ass, I have to ax you how far you'd take it if you two got into a fizight. I mean, how far would you beat him down?
CT: All it would take with King Kamali is one good smack in the teeth and he'd shut his mouth. The problem is, I don't think he's ever been smacked in the mouth before. That's his problem. He's always had a silver spoon in his mouth, living in his mommy and daddy's basement with them making all his food. He just recently got his own place, or I think he moved in with a girl. He's been living with his parents all these years, and he's like 32 years old. That shows a lot about someone's character right there! Honestly, if you hadn't asked, King Kamali wouldn't be in the interview. I'm really getting tired of wasting my breath on him. I'm sick of the kid. The Night of Champions is gonna come and he's gonna get his ass kicked again.

A UNION OF MACHO
TS: You never know, he might end up fucking you up, but we'll see! The bodybuilding union just went down as a miserable failure. Why didn't you show up? Too scared like a fat pussy?
CT: Honestly, if I thought for one second that meeting was gonna be anything but official for the athletes, I would have been there. All it was, was a bitching session with a bunch of guys that don't know how to make money in the sport!   Nor will they ever make money in the sport. There's no reason for me or my wife to come to a meeting for any kind of union of our athletes when we're quite happy. We're not unhappy with the way the organization's being run. We're not unhappy with the outcome of our shows. We're very happy with the amount of money we make. We feel very blessed. There's no reason for us to go there.
From what Bob Cicherillo said, I was one of the only guys who told them straight up I'm not going. If I was unhappy, I would have gone. I'm just not unhappy. I'm one of the first guys to say I thought I should have placed higher.  Everybody always says that, but I don't think I've ever been totally screwed on stage. Maybe I should have been placed a couple of slots higher here and there, but that's nothing to bitch about. Going to that meeting, bitching about placings and other things, wouldn't help things at all. Plus, why would I go to a meeting organized by Bob Cicherillo or Tom Prince or King Kamali? These guys aren't businessmen. They don't have a clue what should or shouldn't be done!

TS: No argument here, but I do think Chick meant well. By the way, what are your thoughts on the escalating use of recreational and bodybuilding drugs in the sport?  
CT: I don't know if it's different than any other sport. I hang out with a lot of professional athletes and I don't see our sport being any worse than others.  Anytime you get a person in a high-pressure industry, like the entertainment industry, bodybuilding, or professional sports in general- with the public eye on them and they have to perform at a certain level- you're always gonna have drug use. I don't know if it's any worse than anything else or if it's just that bad.  I do see a select few that are going downhill, but for the most part, the athletes I know in the sport are doing quite well with extremely healthy lives and nice lifestyles. I've been no angel, that's for sure. But my wife and I live a nice clean life and we're very happy with it.

N.O.C.-CHO MACHO MAN
TS: I don't believe that, but hey, what do I know? The NOC is about a month away, and it appears to be Chick's show to win. How's everything going with that ass?
CT: [Laughing in macho tone] I definitely don't think it's Bob Chick's show! I'm an athlete of common opponents. Who has beaten who, and who's performed best at the last shows? I call it the field of common opponents. I think it's my show to win or lose. Everybody in the show I've beaten more than once. And every guy that's gonna do the show, I've beaten recently.  I think Craig Titus has to come in 10 to 20 percent better than he did at the GNC pro show and I'll walk with the title. I'm really hoping it happens. I'm not saying it's my show, but I'm saying it's my show to win or lose.

MACHO ON MELVIN
TS: You and Melvin are now with Pinnacle together, but only a couple of years ago, you damn near knocked him the fuck out in Gold's Gym! Wassup with things between you to foos?
CT: Melvin and I had an altercation that ended up a little physical. It got blown extremely out of proportion. Melvin and I have always been friends, but at that point in time, Melvin was going through some rough times, and I was going through some changes in my life. We were both short-tempered and frustrated with the way our careers were going. I only put my hands on Melvin in the mindset that it was self-defense. I thought Melvin was actually going to walk up and hit me. After taking a step back, I realize that Melvin just really wanted to talk and get some things cleared away. Hitting him was extremely wrong for me to do. Since then, Melvin and I have become good friends. He's a good champion.

CONTROVERSY A LA MACHO

TS: What a PC answer! But, if it's like that, it's like that. You know, Craig, you've always been one controversial motherfucker. It's brought us a lotta entertainment as fans, but do you think the shit talking and fighting has hurt your career? Ronnie Coleman is so laid back I have half a melon to think he's on Prozac!
CT: No, I don't think it's hurt me at all. The only difference between Ronnie Coleman and Craig Titus is that Ronnie Coleman is a far more advanced athlete than I am. And Shawn Ray's been around a lot longer, giving him many more titles and years of competing in the Olympia. That's the only difference. If I had 12 top-five finishes in the Olympia, being the same I am right now, I'd still be controversial. Shawn Ray speaks his mind. Ronnie Coleman's quiet. I say it like it is, which has made me controversial. The only difference between us is they have many more titles, and they are far superior athletes than I am in the sport because they've been around a lot longer. I don't think it's hurt me at all. I think it's made me quite popular and brought me a lot of money.

TS: Some say your confrontational attitude is a damn black eye to the sport, to put it mildly.  What say you, foo'?
CT: [Laughs] If somebody says I'm confrontational, they're right, I am! I'm not one of those guys who is going to listen to something that's upsetting being said about me without approaching the person saying it. In this industry, if you're doing a guest appearance and the promoter puts you in a Motel 6 with no room service, no ride, well, I'm gonna say something to the promoter! I'm gonna say that's unacceptable, things need to be changed. If I hear somebody talking about me or my wife behind my back, I'm gonna confront that person by walking up and saying something. Most people don't like confrontation. So that puts me in the class of being confrontational, short tempered. First of all, I'm not short-tempered or a loose cannon. I'm just not the type of person that's gonna let you talk about me in a negative way, or try to ruin my career, without me coming up to you and saying something.

MACHO ON BEATING ANYONE'S ASS!
TS: That's not fair! You could scare a foo' with your jacked-up self all up in their grill looking like you're about to go off. I'd get scared if you did and so would others!
CT: I guess they could. But my first impulse is not to walk up to somebody and hit them. That's ridiculous! It takes a hell of a lot for that to happen, and I think that goes for most people. The only difference between me and other people in the sport is that I'll walk up and tell you I got a problem with you, and this is why.  A lot of people don't like that, but that's too bad.

TS: [Pauses, feels inadequate, says with rage] How 'bout if they said fuck you right to your face?!
CT: Well, I guess I'd have to put myself in the situation before I can tell you what's gonna happen. I might just laugh!  (Macho chuckle) If it was King Kamali, I'd probably just laugh.

MACHO ON THE OTHER, NON-MACHO OF MACHO
TS: [Waxes philosophical] You come across with brute force, but I wonder if you have a different side no one knows about. I don't mean that to sound gay, you know, but I'm just saying you might be less of this macho vato we see all the time.
CT: There's absolutely a side to me nobody knows about, and that's the way I like to keep it! But, I demand respect from people. That's just the way it's gonna be. Period! If people want to misconstrue that as me being macho or short- tempered or too confrontational, that's their problem. I demand respect from people, and that's it!  

A MACHO BACKSTABBING
TS: [Raises unibrow] There are some pros, namely Tom Prince, who insinuate you'll backstab your friends in a heartbeat if it'll benefit you.  And that you have no real friends coz of this!
CT: [Laughing in bari-macho-tone] That's ridiculous! Tom Prince and these guys have a lot of time on their hands! That's all I got to say. Look, don't even get me started on Tom Prince. I can give you 15 examples of reasons why he's not living in Florida anymore, but I'm not even gonna go there. Craig Titus has friends. The friends I have are the friends I want to have.  Period. If you're not my friend, I don't want you to be my friend.

TS: Could you take Shawn Ray in a fistfight?
CT: You could ask if I can take anybody in a fight, and I'm gonna tell you yeah!  I'm never gonna say no. I'm confident in everything I do. Can I take Shawn Ray in a fight? Yeah, I could, but if you ask Shawn Ray the same thing, he's gonna say he can take me in a fight. That's just the way it is.  

TS: 'K, tough guy, but have you ever gotten your ass beat down?
CT: Absolutely! Several times. Not recently; it's been a long time.  

MACHO ON BEING IN LOCKDOWN
TS: What about in prison? And yeah, what's the story on all that shiz?
CT: Well, here's how I want to answer the prison thing: This is a subject I'd rather not even talk about anymore. I put it behind in my life a long time ago, and believe me, enough information has come out in the magazines over the years about it. Frankly, I don't think the readers want to hear about it.  

TS: [Gets pissed off] Your call, man! Hey, what do you think about Paul DeMayo? I had the opportunity to interview him recently and it seems prison did a number on him despite being a good guy at heart. I cannot speak for Paul, but the whole ordeal seemed to clip him at the knees, dude.
CT: First, the one thing I'd like to see more credit on is the fact that I did go to prison, did do my time, and I came out and was a better man for it. I had to start from zero again, came back, and now I'm among the upper echelon in the sport. I think there's a hell of a lot to say for that! I don't think there's anybody else that's ever done it or could do it in this sport, because it takes mental tenacity like you have no idea, brother. Prison is the worst thing that could happen to anybody, and I was not going to let anybody take my career away from me- something I had worked so hard for, for so many years! I made sure that when I came back to the sport that I got my career back. There's a hell of a lot to be said for that. I never really got any credit for that. As for Paul DeMayo, I'm not gonna say he's a weak person or somebody that can't handle things.  I'll just say that maybe the cards just didn't have Paul DeMayo being a competitive professional bodybuilder. And it's a damn shame that his time in prison took it away from him, because he would have done quite well.

TS: Yeah, he would have, but I'm not counting him out. That's the last thing he needs is the community to turn its back on him.  You know, he and David Dearth gave you props for being able to do hard time and make a successful comeback.
CT: Really? That makes me feel good. I've had very few people give me any kind of props on that at all, and to hear they did makes me feel good. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It's something I don't think anybody else has ever done. It was a good feeling when I got out, and back in the gym trying to get my career back. You know that big guy from The Green Mile and Armageddon- Michael Clarke Duncan? I was in the gym, and he came up and said, It's good to have you back in the sport. I'm glad to see you didn't let it get you down, and I hope you're a better person for it. I had a lot of other people come up and say that, and it made me feel really good, too. There's a lot to be said for the fact that I did that, and that's another reason I was so grateful for Weider, because Weider gave me the opportunity to get my career back.

MACHO ON GETTING WASTED
TS: Switching gears yet again, people rag on your ass for being a partier.  What say you?
CT: There's a difference between partying and severe drug abuse. The problem in the sport is pompous individuals in glass houses who like to throw rocks and say, Chris Cormier and Craig Titus party and party! Craig Titus and his wife like to go out and cut loose once in a while. I don't party too much. That's ridiculous. Everybody goes out. Another thing is that I have an entertainment company, and we do the IFBB and MPC official after-parties. These are business ventures, productions, things that take hours and hours of time to coordinate, set up, and promote.

TS: I don't know anyone who doesn't go out and party. Sorry, people like that are on another fuckin' planet! I'm not defending you, just the argument.
CT: I think people need to quit being so judgmental, stop throwing rocks out of glass houses, and shut their mouths! If you're a rock star, it's OK to party. It's ridiculous. We laugh at it. If Chris Cormier was partying as much as people say, he wouldn't be winning seven shows in one year. It cracks me up when I see somebody like King Kamali on his website say, [mocks King's voice in macho overtones] If Chris only got serious. What fuckin' right does he or anyone have to say that? Chris runs circles around the people saying that. It's hilarious!

FAMOUS MACHO FUCKS
TS: How old were you when you first knocked out some back?
CT: I knew these questions were coming! [Laughing] I was 17. I've always been a late bloomer in everything I've done, brother.

TS: I've never been laid at all, so don't go feeling sorry for yourself. Now, lets get a feel for how ddddmuch ass you've waxed. Any estimate on the number of bitches you porked?
CT: I have no idea. If you're young, good looking, have any kind of career going on, have game and charisma, it's not hard to get female companionship. It wasn't hard for me back in my early days.

TS: So we talking hundreds of bitches here or what?
CT: No, I would say the most is maybe a dozen! [Initiates hysterical macho laugh]

TS: Oh get the fuck outta here with that! [Laughing] All right, now for the real shit! I won't name names, but will give initials on the famous and totally fucking hot fitness bitches you were lucky enough to snog. First, MB.
CT: I was single, and I always went for extremely beautiful women. That was it.  The problem is, when you only go for extremely beautiful and nothing else, you start to see that there's a lot of character flaws.

TS: Cut to the chase, was MB open for everything in the sack?
CT: No, you know, she's a sweetheart and we've always been friends. I would never say anything bad about her.

TS: I'd be bragging until my dying day, are you kidding? What about AF?  Did you really tap that ass?
CT: No, the only thing I had going on with her was a crush, an infatuation. I thought she was an absolutely amazing looking woman and she is honestly an amazing person.

TS: You ever do two bitches at once?
CT: Not while I've been married.   

MACHO ON GAY HUSTLING & PORKING KEANU
TS: This is gonna irritate the shiznit outta you, but here goes. Everyone is saying you used to be a gay hustler.
CT: This is one thing I've found in this industry. When people have nothing else to say about you, if you're good looking and successful and young, then they'll make comments on your sexual preference. The problem is every bodybuilder in the sport has had this accusation rumored about him at one point in time.  You know that as well as anyone. Name one bodybuilder and I can tell you I've heard he's hustled gays.  

TS: Did you pork Keanu Reeves? [Enormous laughter, tips head back to rest on neck fat pad]
CT: That's ridiculous!I said hi to Keanu Reeves in the gym one day. That was it! He's a cool guy. It was around the time he got finished with the movie Speed. I told him I liked his movie, and filming of the bus blowing up is where I eat every day. This shit used to bother me and then I just started laughing at it. It got so stupid! Anybody who knows me, knows that those rumors are ridiculous. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Or whatever sexual preference you have. It's just that I'm not. That's it.

TS: Do you have a price?
CT: No, I don't have a price for that! You only have two things in this world, your word and your integrity. I want to keep both.

TS: [Laughing obnoxiously] Ever done a bitch, as in a female, for money?
CT: No, I don't think that's ever happened in my life. Have I gone out with a girl because she had money? Yeah. When I was young. It doesn't work, it never works. Even when you're young and not looking for a commitment, you take a couple of good looks in the mirror and quit. You stop real fast if you have any kind of conscience.

MACHO ON THE FAMILY JEWELS & RUINING KELLY MRS. MACHO RYAN
TS: How big is your unit?
CT: [Laughs violently] I'm huge! That question's ridiculous! I can't be answering shit like that.

TS: Is it true you married Kelly for her money and security? Some say you ruined her. [Has thoughts of strutting arrogantly around the room]
CT: We've heard that many times. Her career has done nothing but excel since the day I met her. She's right here! [Starts talking to Kelly] He said I married you for security, ruined your career, because you made money and I didn't. I'll start answering. First, the best thing that ever happened to me in my entire life is my wife. She is my best friend, and I married her because she was my best friend.  That's what I think someone should do when they're ready to get married, is marry their best friend. Second, when I married my wife, she was getting up at 4:30 in the morning, training people, worrying about getting paid, worrying about people paying for their sessions and paying her bills. I felt so bad for her because as a man, I couldn't provide for her the way I wanted to. At the time, I had just come back into the sport and I didn't even have a contract. That was very short-lived, as I did receive a contract about three or four months after I came back.
I told my wife I was in love with her and wanted her to be with me, and I got her her very first contract with Biochem. I'm the one that set it up, negotiated it and got it for her. Biochem would be happy to verify that. I've taken her out of the personal training business to a legitimate, significant contract with Biochem. I took over her training and trained her for her shows, and now my wife is winning her shows and doing quite well in the sport. I negotiate all business ventures with Kelly Ryan. At the same time, I got my contract, so we're both making money. We moved in together and we got married.
Since then, I have brought Kelly from taking second in the 1999 World Pro show, her very first show, to winning the Jan Tana three times, the Arnold Classic once, the Pittsburgh Pro, the Southwest Pro, the GNC Pro show, and taking second place in four Olympia's! I helped her with her career all the way.  I'm not jealous of my wife, I'm not using my wife for security, and I want my wife to excel as much as possible, because if she excels, I excel. We're a team in this world. Somebody who says I married her for money, or that I ruined her, is an absolute fucking idiot! All they gotta do is look at her track record, and how well we're doing and how happy we are. Here, Kelly wants to say something [Kelly gets on phone in a very sexy voice that'd make Sandwich aroused if he were not impotent].

Kelly Ryan-Macho-Titus:                           
I just think it's a joke and it's sad when people actually make these accusations, like Craig has ruined my career. How can being second in the world in fitness, when I only turned pro in 1998, be ruining my career? I don't make more money than Craig. He makes more money in his contract alone than I have in probably the last two years with my contract and all my guest posings. I think people are just jealous. People have always been rotten about Craig doing well for himself. They don't accept it very well any time we've had success. When I got my contract with Biochem, my car got keyed at the Gold's Gym in Venice. When we bought our house, we only told a few of our close friends, because we were really excited. We didn't say how many square feet or anything, we just said we were really happy. I got four nails in my tires! I'm not kidding. That's why we ended up leaving. Craig and I are the type that, if we have success, we try to help those around us. I think that makes it worse. I think if we had kept to ourselves [it would have been better], but that's not who we are. Craig and I want to become ambassadors in our sport, help promote shows and give back to the sport that has made us who we are. That's how we feel. We're very passionate and blessed with the things that we've been given in the sport and what we've achieved. I've had all my success since I've been with Craig and he's got a really good head on his shoulders, he's very driven, and he motivates me with his work ethic and his mental tenacity. It's second to none.  When I have any questions, business-wise, career opportunities, he's usually right there 10 pages ahead of me. He's a moneymaker. I respect him a lot for that. I think people get very jealous and envious of it. There's no other way to explain it. We've had such negative feedback with Craig being in my life.  Those who know who we are, know that's not the truth and it's really far fetched.

TS: I'll say this. Whatever you may be, Craig, good or bad, you have a woman that stands beside you 100 percent. I can really appreciate that. Girls wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire. Moving out of my self pity, what's next on the agenda for you?
CT: I have the Night of Champions coming up right now, and my energy's focused on winning that show. My wife and I want to do the first double win in the history of the sport, with a husband and wife winning fitness and bodybuilding. That would be really good for our careers and appearances and everything else.

MACHO GURUS
TS: Hey, is it true you didn't pay Dorian the other half of his money for prepping your 2002 Olympia outing because you didn't place as well as you'd have liked to?
CT: Absolutely not! Dorian was paid in full. That was just a stupid rumor. Dorian would verify that in a heartbeat. Dorian's a very close friend of mine. We talk all the time. [Gets pissed] There you go again, somebody is saying something that's absolutely ridiculous, trying to bash my character. That's ridiculous! I'm forever grateful what Milos taught me. But I was still trying to find what works for me, and between working with Dorian and working with Milos, I think I've found the formula. I even went so far as to work with Chad Nicholls this past off- season to see if he did things any differently with his athletes in the off-season.  His knowledge and information is equally impressive, and quite beneficial to my physique.

TS: Chad Nicholls? King Kamali was ragging your ass online about how Chad won't even take your calls!
CT: That's ridiculous![Laughing] Is Chad going to bring me into the Night of Champions? I don't really know yet, he's really busy with the Mike Tyson thing and other athletes and I don't know if he's gonna have time. But I'm pretty comfortable with the way I'm doing things right now. Just in the last couple weeks, I've been hanging out Jay Cutler a little bit. Some of the things that Jay does in his training have been very beneficial to my training. It seems everything Jay Cutler's been doing has been working really well with my genetic structure. He's really disciplined. Jay has the same work ethic I do. I am now gonna be a Pinnacle nutrition athlete, and I'm very excited about that. Like I said, I'm forever grateful to the Weider organization, but now I'll be working for Steve Stern and Mel Rich and Andy Fishman. I am very, very excited about that, and I have a much better sense of job security now. I'm taking these positive emotions right into the Night of Champions, and Pinnacle is behind me all the way.

MACHO SENIOR CITIZEN
TS: So what you gonna do after you retire from this fuckin' sport?
CT: I plan to do these after parties until I'm old and gray. They're no only fun, the money's pretty good, too, and it keeps me in with the industry that I love so much. Of course, my wife and I have a retirement fund, and we have real estate we've been working on, too.

MACHO RACIST?
TS: Speaking of land, have you ever porked a black chick?
CT: I've been with a lot of chicks, and I don't discriminate against any race.

TS: [Hesitates] Craig, some say you're a racist against blacks.
CT: That's stupid. Just fuckin' stupid! Ask Allen Grimes if I'm racist. He's one of my closest friends. Ask Chris Cormier if I'm racist-

TS: [Interrupts] Have you ever called a black person a nigger?
CT: I'm a 36-year old fuckin' white male! Of course I've been stupid and ignorant and idiotic enough to say that word. Here's the difference between me and somebody else: Everybody else is gonna say, oh, no, I've never done that. Seconds after saying the N word, I feel like a piece of shit. So I don't use that word anymore. It was out of malice and anger and I regreted it seconds afterward.I don't make a habit of saying it, and I'm not racist.

MACHO FUCKING OTHER BITCHES
TS: I hear you have a swinging lifestyle, banging other couples in orgies and whatnot.
CT: [Incredulously] That's silly! My wife's from South Carolina. She's a Southern girl. Hell no! When you're single and young, you do things to experiment in life.  It's all part of growing up. But when you get married, your marriage is sacred.  You don't do things like that. My wife and I have heard things like that. It's ridiculous!

TS: Cool, but don't you get tempted to fuck some other bitch?  
CT: I get temptations every time I do an appearance away from my wife.

TS: [Confused] Why and how in the hell do you say no to a hot ass bitch?
CT: It's real easy. I just think about what I have with her, how much I love her, and it's not hard.

TS: But would you tell Kelly about these bitches who make a pass to have you tap that ass?
CT: I tell her all the time! We laugh all the time. We're very open with each other.  There's no jealousy in our marriage, no insecurities. We're very open with each other, and I will tell her exactly what a girl says, what my answer was, what my thoughts were and why I didn't do anything. We laugh about it. It's not hard not to cheat when you're happy with your marriage and you're married to your best friend.

MACHO BREAKS DOWN
TS: When is the last time you cried and why?
CT: I was just at a show in Tucson, Arizona, a local natural bodybuilding show.  Kelly was with her company, Pureform Nutrition. In the show they have this segment where people do the 10-week transformation thing. They show a picture of the person on this huge screen on stage, and then have the person walk out to show what they look like 10 weeks later. It was one of the most inspirational, emotional things I've ever seen. I cried several times at that show.  I didn't let anybody see me, of course, but it was real emotional. There were people there... [pauses] a few ladies who had babies, their hormones got imbalanced and they went through severe depression, became overweight and were taking antidepressant pills. They got into physical fitness and totally transformed their lives and created healthy lifestyles. It was really touching, brother.

HOLY MACHO
TS: Do you believe in God?
CT: Oh, yeah, absolutely! I was raised a Catholic. My wife and I are non-denominational. We don't practice any religion. Kelly and I try to be as good people as we can possibly be and we believe in God because, c'mon, there has to be a Higher Power. I just think if you're a good person and you treat people the way you ought to treat them, good things will happen when you pass away.

TS: When is the last time you thought about suicide?
CT: I've never thought about suicide. I don't go there. That stuff is for weak people. That ain't happening in my life. There's nothing that bad. There are no problems, brother. Just solutions.

TS: [Surprised] Well said, foo'. Care to go into why you got the tattoo on your arm and what it means?
CT: The tattoo on my arm means "warrior." I got it because, let's just say I've been through a lot of things, I've made it through them all, and I'm on top now.  You gotta pretty much be a warrior to do that. My career has never been easy.  I've never had smooth sailing. Up until three years ago, I've never had a full year of training without any problems, legally or physically. All my bad karma's gone, done and passed. Everything I'm doing, I'm excelling in. I'm almost at the pinnacle of my career now. To go through the things I have, you have to be a warrior. That's my nature. I want to be the best at what I do. I really try to excel in everything I do. You have to be somewhat of a fighter to do that, you know?

TS: So, who wears the pants in the Titus-Ryan macho household?
CT: I wear the pants in my family. My wife's a Southern girl, and likes the man to run the house. It works really well for us and we like it. I think that's one of the reasons why we don't fight.

TS: Have you ever hit a woman? Hit as in physically assault, not hit as in waxing ass.
CT: No, I've never hit a woman.

TS: Let's say you haven't met Kelly yet and you're still single. Which fitness chick would you pursue for a porking?
CT: Gabrielle Reese.

TS: No, in our industry.
CT: Gabrielle Reese! She's a class act. She's a woman!

TS: I agree and I'd tap that phat ass myself. I saw her thick back on Mit's latest Battle 2002 vid. Anyhoo, what say you on this whole racist thing where opinion suggests the powers that be may prefer a white athlete, like Jay or Gunter, instead of a black one, namely Ronnie?
CT: There has been no discrimination either way. Maybe they think it's time for a new champion now, but I don't know if it's necessarily because Ronnie's black.  I'd like to think not. I don't subscribe to that theory.  

MACHO'S SENSITIVE SIDE
TS: How many more years you gonna compete and have you had any health problems?
CT: I've got six more years, and I'm healthy as a horse. That's one thing I've been knocking on wood about. I've been very blessed, and don't have any problems whatsoever. I get regular checkups and everything's good so far.

TS: What's your biggest regret in life, Craig?
CT: Obviously, one was the lifestyle I had that put me behind bars. It took two and a half years of progress away from the profession that I absolutely love, therefore putting me in the position I'm in now.

TS: Sounded like the prison thing really woke your ass up.
CT: Yeah. Right in the prime of my life I got in trouble. I looked at the person in the mirror several times and said, You gotta straighten this shit out. You're not really a good person right now. Career-wise, I've looked in the mirror several times and said, You could have prepared a lot harder for that show. I'm always striving for perfection, personally and professionally.

A PARTY OF MACHO
TS: Enough melodramatics for now. I'm ready for a Prozac myself. Let's talk about some dope shit- when is your next big bash?
CT: I got the Night of Champions party coming up, Saturday, May 31, right after the Night of Champions, at The China Club, one of nicest clubs in New York City!.  It's a 2,000-person venue. We're hoping to get everybody there. Right now the hosts of the party are me and Kelly, Dennis James, Chris Cormier, Victor Martinez, Rob Lopez, Bethany Howlett and Strong and Shapely Gym owner, Bob Bonham. I got a lot of hosts this party. The more hosts you have, the better the party will turn out, because the more VIP treatment people will get. It lessens the load on each individual.

TS: Never mind the hosts, what about the ho's?! Are there going to be some rough-ass bitches or hot fitness chicks?
CT: [Laughs] It's gonna be full of pretty people! There's always beautiful people at these parties from the fitness industry. The one we're really excited about this year is the Olympia After Party. I was able to book the House of Blues for the party, so people can go to the show, and walk right over to the House of Blues inside Mandalay Bay to party with the pros.

MACHO ON GETTING PUSSY
TS: Sounds awesome! I have a problem, though. I'm fat and have no game whatsoever. Any tips on landing a fitness beeyotch? What's the approach?
CT: [Uproarious laughter]Yeah, just tell them you got a nice car and a good house! I'm being facetious, of course. I don't know, brother. It all depends on the girl.

THE MACHO OPIONIONS OF MACHO
TS: All right, now its that time for me to list off a bunch of names, get your unrehearsed response, blah blah blah! You know the drill. First, Wayne DeMilia.
CT: Businessman, president of IFBB, and now, recently, business associate of mine. A welcome person in my home.

TS: What you two doin' together?
CT: He's president of IFBB, and the person I have to get the authority from to throw these after parties. Now we are making the official Olympia after party and the official Night of Champions after party in with the advertisements and all the promotional work that go into those shows. My party's gonna be part of it now.

TS: Oh, OK. Wayne wants a piece of the pie then. But what if he got outta line? Would you light him the fuck up?
CT: [Laughs] And end my career? I don't think so. I'm not gonna light anybody up that gets out of line unless they put their hands on me.

TS: What if he threatens you?
CT: Threats are different. You can't answer that question until you're in that position. You back a dog in the corner, poke him with a stick, and you're gonna get bit.

TS: Dan Duchaine, the original and infamous steroid guru.
CT: Dan Duchaine has passed away. If he was alive right now, I'd say he was garbage.He's not alive right now, so let's let him rest in peace.

TS: Fair 'nuff. Bill Phillips. The dude who started the whole steroid thing in the magazines, owned Muscle Media, EAS and changed the industry forever.
CT: Bill Phillips is a pompous, arrogant person who's a good businessman, but not real good with people skills.

TS: Tom Prince.
CT: Very confused person in many ways. One of the most talented individuals, but his talent will never be tapped into.

TS: Flex Wheeler.
CT: Flex Wheeler is somebody who is an ambassador for the sport, has become an icon of the sport, and I'm forever grateful to the things he has shown me in this sport.

TS: Could you take Flex in a fight?
CT: [Frustrated] If you ask can I take somebody, I'm gonna say yes! I have no idea [if I could beat Flex's ass]. I know Flex is a licensed martial artist, but that doesn't mean anything to me. Like I said, you asked me, and I told you my answer. He's a nice guy. Flex is a good dude.

TS: Gregg Valentino, MD's own Ramblin' Freak.
CT: I met him one time. He's always been cool with me. I have nothing bad to say about him. A little strange in the arm department, but that's Gregg's thing.  That's his niche.

TS: Debbie Halo, hot ass bitch you used to pork and former famous fitness chick.
CT: Debbie Halo was and always will be one of my friends who I think about a lot. She was in my life for five years. She's a cool chick, and I wish her the best in whatever she's doing.

TS: Steve Weinberger.
CT: Steve's a good guy. Now, that is the definition of an old-school man. You know where you're standing with Steve. If he likes you, he likes you. If he doesn't like you, you'll know he doesn't like you. That's just the way it is, and that's just what I like in a person. I very much like Steve Weinberger. He's a cool guy.

TS: Paul Dillett.
CT: [Pauses] My wife and I did some things for him to help him out and we ended up getting shit on for it. He was not very grateful for it.

TS: Lee Priest.
CT: If you had to draw a picture of a bodybuilder in a cartoon character form, that would be Lee Priest! His dimensions are cartoonish. He's truly a freak. I like Lee. He's got a good sense of humor, a nice dry humor. Every time I'm around him we sit and laugh about things. Lee and I are buds.

TS: Craig Titus.
CT: Craig Titus...[pauses, inhales the macho mist, reflecting] Craig Titus is black or white. There's no gray area. I demand respect, and that's all there is to it. 

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